


Rasputin

by livinglittlelie



Series: Posting this was a Bad Idea: a Guide by Me [2]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: 1.3K of shitty writing, And the leader of Instagram's Viktuuri shitposting, Comedy, Crack, I so regret hitting the Post button, M/M, Phichit being a Bro TM, Romance if you squint, This is Ari's fault, phichit X Instagram, set in episode 10, why am I doing this to myself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-11
Updated: 2016-12-11
Packaged: 2018-09-07 19:11:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8812795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/livinglittlelie/pseuds/livinglittlelie
Summary: Yuuri turned to face Phichit, only to be startled by the Thai’s serious face. In all the years they’d spent together, Yuuri had never seen Phichit look like that, and it both surprised and worried him.





	

Katsuki Yuuri had never felt so emotionally exhausted in his life, and he’d lived with Viktor for eight months.

After today’s practice, having an emotional moment with Viktor while they were sight-seeing, meeting his fellow competitors in the busy streets of Barcelona, discovering that last year he’d become a drunk mess in the Grand Prix Final banquet (where he’d pole danced half-naked with Chris, challenged Yuri on a dance battle, _danced sensually with Viktor)_ being mistaken as a married couple by Phichit and announcing it to the _whole restaurant_ , only for Viktor to say they were engagement rings and confirming they’d marry when Yuuri got gold in the GPF, putting every one of his skater friends against him…

Well, he felt drained.

Luckily, JJ Leroy had come just at the right time to say… uhm, what did he say?, and the tension eased quickly between them. Having already paid for their food, they decided it was a good time as any to call it a day and leave to their respective hotel rooms. They had the short program competition the next day, after all.

They made their way to their corresponding hotels chatting like good friends, not like the rivals they were going to be in the ice rink. Yuuri felt so blessed that his life had become this way. If you had told him a year ago that he’d hang out with his fellow skaters, with Viktor by his side, he would have laughed at you. And if you had told him he’d be engaged to the five times winner GP Russian skater… well, he would have immediately called to the madhouse.

Despite the whirlwind of emotions he’d felt with his, frankly weird, friends – he still couldn’t believe he could call them that – he felt kind of sad they had to say goodnight. They bid their goodbyes, Chris enthusiastically hugging them before leaving for his room (wait, he was groping his ass. Huh, he was groping Viktor’s ass too), and Yuri just looked at them intensely and tsk-ed before turning around and leaving, Otabek following close.

Then, it was only Phichit, Viktor and himself the ones that remained at the main door of the hotel. Yuuri turned to face Phichit, only to be startled by the Thai’s serious face. In all the years they’d spent together, Yuuri had never seen Phichit look like that, and it both surprised and worried him.

“Phichit? What’s wrong?” he asked, wary of the answer.

“Nothing,” he said, and oh, god, his voice sounded as serious as he looked. Had he done something wrong? Had he insulted his friend in any way? Oh god, was he mad because of what Viktor said about Yuuri winning the gold?

Phichit looked from him to Viktor, then to him again, and he felt fidgety under his gaze. He didn’t know what he’d done, but whatever it was, he wanted to apologize, just to get over with it and make him stop.

“Chulanont, is there something you want to tell us?” Viktor asked beside him, and he could feel his ungloved fingers worming their way into his clenched hand. He relaxed it, and let their fingers intertwine.

“Yeah, actually I do. Wait a second.”

He brought his hand inside the pocket of his jacked and took out his phone, his expression not wavering one bit. His eyes darted to the screen then, and Yuuri let himself breath in relief, some tension leaving his stiff shoulders. Viktor squeezed his hand, and he returned the affectionate gesture.

Phichit’s eyes suddenly glinted, and his fingers flew to the volume buttons of his phone. He turned the device so the speakers were facing them, and his eyes lifted to watch them again.

“However, I need you to hear this first.”

He hit the play button and Yuuri clenched his eyes shut, thinking it probably was yet another video or recording of him making a fool of himself, just to open them up again in confusion when he heard the drums. Was it… was it a music video?

Soon, a guitar followed, making up a repetitive little melody, then some cheers joined. Yuuri frowned, not really comprehending what was going on at that moment, and for the looks of it, neither did Viktor. Then, the synthesiser began playing, and something about the song was suddenly very familiar, but it wasn’t until the group began singing that he realized which song it was.

 _“There lived a certain man in Russia long ago,”_ sang a gruff voice, and women voices followed, _“He was big and strong, in his eyes a flaming glow_.”

“Oh! I know this song! We used to dance it a lot in our Just Dance sessions back in Detroit.”

Phichit nodded, but didn’t say anything else, just left the song playing. When they were about to reach the chorus, Yuuri felt tempted to sing along, but something in his long-time friend’s expression made him think better of it.

_“Ra-Ra-Rasputin, lover of the Russian queen. There was a cat that really was gone. Ra-Ra-Rasputin, Russia's greatest love machine. It was a shame how he carried on.”_

Phichit paused the song there, and his serious façade began to crack. Yuuri could see the corners of Phichit’s mouth quivering, trying to supress his grin, and he eyed him suspicious. He then faced the camera of his phone to both of them. What was he scheming?

“So,” Phichit cleared his voice, “Viktor Nikiforov, are you the contemporary Russia’s greatest love machine? Yuuri, could you describe his performance in and out of the bed? Is he as good as the fandom believes?”

At first, silence fell between them. Then, little by little, soft giggles could be heard coming from the Japanese’s mouth, while Viktor’s face went from frowning in concern, to confusion, and finally to mortifying realisation.

“I-I- are you recording this?” Viktor stammered, his cheeks getting redder and redder. It was such an odd look in his usually confident and flirty face, that it only made Yuuri laugh more.

“Yep! And I’m posting it! ‘Viktor’s and Yuuri’s reaction to Rasputin, as you wished, lovelies’. Instagram’s going to blow with this. They’ve been asking me for _weeks_ to do this. Guess all the waiting was worth it.”

Meanwhile, Yuuri kept on laughing, “O-oh god, Phichit! Ra- ahaha – Rasputin fits so well! I don’t know why I didn’t think of this sooner.”

“Oh?” he turned his phone to Yuuri, a grin on his face “Our favourite Katsudon is going to answer to my questions? Let’s hear those answers! Do you want me to keep playing the song as ambiance?”

Yuuri laughed harder at that. Viktor growled, his cheeks pinker than ever and turned to the door, dragging Yuuri with him.

“Yuuri needs to rest for tomorrow’s competition, so I guess he won’t be able to answer any more questions. Good night, Chulanont.”

They walked in, Viktor not even waiting for Phichit to answer. The Thai man only guffawed, then cupped with his hand his mouth and called back at them “Yeah, better not keep Yuuri awake with your Russian lovin’!”

Yuuri’s laughs echoed in the near empty hall of the hotel along with Phichit’s voice, and he swore he could hear it even when the doors of the elevator closed on them. He stopped the recording, looking satisfied at his phone. Cutting his favourite parts, he posted them on his twitter and Instagram accounts, and his phone went crazy with all the notifications.

He shook his head, chuckling, and went to the elevator, ready to meet his bed. He wondered if, when he reached his floor, he would still hear Yuuri’s giggles, as their rooms were on the same floor, but when the doors opened, the hall was oddly silent. A smirk came to his face, thinking on all the ways Viktor had to shut up his now fiancé.

Maybe the answer was, after all, some Russian lovin’.

**Author's Note:**

> My thoughts in the entire writing of this fic were: what the hell am I writing. All of this for a pun. 
> 
> I’ve become a meme writer. Perfect. Years of building up my (non-existent) reputation for this. Burn my account and throw the remains to the Barceloneta. Or to a trashcan. Both are okay.


End file.
